Finding your own fit. To me, this was more challenging than doing the actual work outs. Seriously, there are so many options out there. I mean, on one hand, that is fabulous! There are tons of people out there serious about getting fit! Wahoo! Then there is the flip side, where I have been this time around in my quest for finding my fit. For reasons I had not identified until writing this, I've taken a more bitter turn. Instead of being inspired by all of the available programs, the plethora of testimonials, I found myself scornfully muttering things like, "riiiight, those pictures are photoshopped!" and "good for you... (insert your favorite expletive here)" Anyone else? I mean I really want to encourage you to find your fit. That is the purpose of this post, but I want to keep it real with you and express my true emotion with this process. So, in that light, let me share a little of my story with you.
In sparing you the ugly details, here is a brief summation. Happy marriage turned bitter resulting in divorce. I ate my way through the sadness reaching an ultimate crashing point. I was at my highest weight and lowest emotional state. Those terrible habits showed up in my blood work. I remember sitting in the doctor's office, in what had become my normal foggy state, his voice muffled in my emotional tunnel scolding my behaviors, begging me to make a drastic change. Something he said startled me back into reality. "You still have so many reasons to smile. Let them be your inspiration to start moving forward." I let that sink in...I still had reasons to smile. I clung onto those words like a life raft thrown out to me in my sea of despair. That is what I kept close to my heart and in the forefront of my mind. It was time to start taking care of me.
My fitness plan? Even though my doctor gave me a prescription for the hospital fitness center nearby so my insurance would cover the cost, I was too embarrassed to work out in front of other people ashamed of my current state. So, I walked. Alot. And cried. Alot. Every day after work I forced myself to walk so I didn't go to bed or lay on the couch with food. On Saturdays, I walked longer. I began a habit. That is the first step. I found myself in a new robotic pattern, but a healthier one. I met someone with a pool that I was able to use at night when no one was there. I alternated walking and swimming. I began to look forward it. I began to notice how much better I was feeling. I realized I smiled more and even to myself in the mirror. That was a huge moment. I kept moving forward. That is the second step.
It wasn't until I had a return visit with my doctor 3 months later that I was able to see my results. I was down 15 pounds, my blood work wasn't in normal range yet, but down enough for him to give me a little more time. I had reasons to smile. That is the most important step. Eventually I increased my level of workout, took measurements and stuck to it every day. I wasn't able to give myself a break in the beginning or I would backslide quickly. I knew me...Ha! Slowly but surely, the weight came off. After a year, I was down 60 lbs, 26 inches and 3 sizes. My lab results were all in the normal range. I felt amazing! I had even more reasons to smile!
So, how did I get back to bitter??? It took me writing this to realize it was the plateau that got me. I never pushed passed the plateau! Seems obvious now, but at the time it was hard so I became comfortable where I was. I mean, look at those results! I was proud of that, and should be proud. But in my mind, I still wasn't happy with my body. I wanted the fit, toned body. I wanted it the way we all want it, by osmosis! Am I right? It's hard work and quite frankly, it hurts! Alot! So, here I am at a crossroads. Settle in where I am or keep working to find MY fit. Find something that works for ME.
So here is the pep talk I delivered to myself just now after reading this through again and now delivering to you....
Begin again! Create new habits! Find your OWN fit! Keep moving forward! You ALWAYS have reasons to smile! Be grateful for all of them. YOU can do this...YOU hold the key!
In sparing you the ugly details, here is a brief summation. Happy marriage turned bitter resulting in divorce. I ate my way through the sadness reaching an ultimate crashing point. I was at my highest weight and lowest emotional state. Those terrible habits showed up in my blood work. I remember sitting in the doctor's office, in what had become my normal foggy state, his voice muffled in my emotional tunnel scolding my behaviors, begging me to make a drastic change. Something he said startled me back into reality. "You still have so many reasons to smile. Let them be your inspiration to start moving forward." I let that sink in...I still had reasons to smile. I clung onto those words like a life raft thrown out to me in my sea of despair. That is what I kept close to my heart and in the forefront of my mind. It was time to start taking care of me.
My fitness plan? Even though my doctor gave me a prescription for the hospital fitness center nearby so my insurance would cover the cost, I was too embarrassed to work out in front of other people ashamed of my current state. So, I walked. Alot. And cried. Alot. Every day after work I forced myself to walk so I didn't go to bed or lay on the couch with food. On Saturdays, I walked longer. I began a habit. That is the first step. I found myself in a new robotic pattern, but a healthier one. I met someone with a pool that I was able to use at night when no one was there. I alternated walking and swimming. I began to look forward it. I began to notice how much better I was feeling. I realized I smiled more and even to myself in the mirror. That was a huge moment. I kept moving forward. That is the second step.
It wasn't until I had a return visit with my doctor 3 months later that I was able to see my results. I was down 15 pounds, my blood work wasn't in normal range yet, but down enough for him to give me a little more time. I had reasons to smile. That is the most important step. Eventually I increased my level of workout, took measurements and stuck to it every day. I wasn't able to give myself a break in the beginning or I would backslide quickly. I knew me...Ha! Slowly but surely, the weight came off. After a year, I was down 60 lbs, 26 inches and 3 sizes. My lab results were all in the normal range. I felt amazing! I had even more reasons to smile!
So, how did I get back to bitter??? It took me writing this to realize it was the plateau that got me. I never pushed passed the plateau! Seems obvious now, but at the time it was hard so I became comfortable where I was. I mean, look at those results! I was proud of that, and should be proud. But in my mind, I still wasn't happy with my body. I wanted the fit, toned body. I wanted it the way we all want it, by osmosis! Am I right? It's hard work and quite frankly, it hurts! Alot! So, here I am at a crossroads. Settle in where I am or keep working to find MY fit. Find something that works for ME.
So here is the pep talk I delivered to myself just now after reading this through again and now delivering to you....
Begin again! Create new habits! Find your OWN fit! Keep moving forward! You ALWAYS have reasons to smile! Be grateful for all of them. YOU can do this...YOU hold the key!
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