Cookies for Lunch

I'm eating cookies for lunch.  My friend is lying in her bed at home surrounded by pieces of her heart as her human body succumbs to the cancer that aggressively attacked it.  I'm unable to be there so I'm eating cookies for lunch.  I'm in absolute hate of how cancer is robbing her family of their future together.  Words are useless.  Comfort is unfounded.  Cancer is stealing my friend's life...her future...their futures as they now know, live and love it.

I watch the milk-soaked cookie lose its attachment to the piece between my fingers crumble and slowly sink down into the milk realizing her body is doing the same. Piece by piece her body is crumbling.  A lump of despair forms in my throat so I let the remainder of the cookie drop into the water watching it dissolve.  Its original form no longer recognizable.  

Time is on pause.  Memories from decades ago replay in my mind.  School days...when life and laughter seemed limitless.  Her smile could light up even the darkest most dreary room.  Even if she was upset, which was rare, attempts to restrain or conceal that smile were futile.  A wicked fun sense of humor intertwined our hearts. Laughter the elixir of our souls.  How I wish I could save her that simply from the cruelness of this cancer now.

As life does, it goes on regardless of your best laid out plans for being inseparable friends forever.  We engraved that in our notebooks and on our hearts when we were just kids. Our roads took us in different directions, yet our connection remained.  Unexplainably woven together souls.  Occasionally a life event or reunion would bring us back to each other physically where that limitless life and laughter would greet us.  Love beyond measure flowed effortlessly between us.  We would make needless apologies for the time lost in between visits both understanding time may pass and change us, but our connection would remain unaltered. 

Eventually it would be our shared birthdays that would bridge the gap between us and become our yearly catch up call.  We could chat like we never parted bringing each other current in our life happenings. Even when the phone line disconnected, our connection remained. 

This past birthday we didn't have our call. For those of you that are Star Wars fans, as she was, I can use this reference.  I felt a disturbance in the force between us.  A shift in her energy was evident.  A text message from her husband confirmed what was in my gut. Cancer. Surgery, treatments, side effects and suffering began to break her body down. I still felt her with me.  We shared needless apologies for letting time lapse between our visits.  The love between us remained intact, just as our connection would.  I was hopeful and prayed unceasingly for a miracle healing. Despite that, the cancer continued to consume her human form.  

In these final hours, I feel her.  Such an amazingly strong spirit.  I know that even though her human form has failed her, that amazing spirit will remain in all of those who love her and were loved by her. That shared love is the miracle.  None of us will leave this life alive.  Sorrow will enter our souls for a time. That is our human healing process.  Keep your mind and hearts open to allow the spirit connection to remain.  Do not waste time and energy pondering the understanding of the human details for what is seen is merely temporary.  What is unseen to our human eye, yet felt deep within us, is eternal.  (2 Corinthians 4:13 New Living Translation)