YOU Hold the Key

I'm eating cookies for lunch.  My friend is lying in her bed at home surrounded by pieces of her heart as her human body succumbs to the cancer that aggressively attacked it.  I'm unable to be there so I'm eating cookies for lunch.  I'm in absolute hate of how cancer is robbing her family of their future together.  Words are useless.  Comfort is unfounded.  Cancer is stealing my friend's life...her future...their futures as they now know, live and love it. I watch the milk-soaked cookie lose its attachment to the piece between my fingers crumble and slowly sink down into the milk realizing her body is doing the same. Piece by piece her body is crumbling.  A lump of despair forms in my throat so I let the remainder of the cookie drop into the water watching it dissolve.  Its original form no longer recognizable.   Time is on pause.  Memories from decades ago replay in my mind.  School days...when life and laughter seemed lim...

This past week was a tumultuous time.  On Christmas Eve my mother became ill and had to be taken to the emergency room, was admitted that evening then ended up in the ICU overnight.  The minutes turned into hours, hours into days then the days smeared into nothingness.  Time became irrelevant. Time was measured in each moment. Moments that consisted of pondering all the catastrophic possibilities.  Moments the didn't move. These moments became a tremendous lesson in time. I struggled while watching all the suffering around with all the shoulda, couldas and wouldas.  You know, what should be different, what could have been or what would have been with different choices.  But those are not for me to challenge.  Our choices are our own.  My choices have not always been the best choices, but they are mine and have shaped me into the person that I am. Good, bad or ugly, we are in this life to the bitter or bittersweet end....the choice is ours. ...

The fat chick is goin' down! In the past, this was my chant, my mantra for fitness. The fit chick says it when I let her exercise. Which hasn't been often enough lately because she can barely swing a pom pom.  Without motivation, my willpower seems to be withering and apparently that is what fuels fit chick.  Fat chick on the other hand, well, I mean seriously, if you are reading this, you are well aware of her needs as well as her aggressive tendencies. She is relentless in getting her way.  She behaves like a fit throwing toddler facing the tantalizing rows of candy in the grocery store line.  I've gone against all my natural parental instincts to ignore the begging and just shut her up with a small bites occasionally. But that is never enough! I should know this by now. I am aware of her methods.  She is ruthless in her pursuit of sweets!  Fit chick has been on a siesta of sorts since I've been traveling for work.  Consistency on the road is ...

What we think, what we feel belongs to us. Our pain is not the result of how someone has treated us, it is our reaction to their action. We own our thoughts. We own our feelings. We just don't realize it. It takes a journey through a jacked up jungle of what appears to be ill-timed jinxes for us to come to a reckoning place with our pain.  If we let it, the pain piles on us like a plague. It fills all the crevices of our being.  It invades our mind, our muscles and our memory.  We forget we ever existed without pain. It consumes us...if we let it. I let it and for a time, it consumed me. It nearly broke me. But the most important truth of it all that I had to come to cold, hard grips with was that I let it consume me. I allowed myself to be held prisoner by the pain.  I held the key the whole time. The whole time! Silly simple solution right in front of me the whole time. The love and joy was there all along but I allowed it to be covered up by all the pain. Ins...

Finding your own fit.  To me, this was more challenging than doing the actual work outs. Seriously, there are so many options out there.  I mean, on one hand, that is fabulous! There are tons of people out there serious about getting fit! Wahoo! Then there is the flip side, where I have been this time around in my quest for finding my fit. For reasons I had not identified until writing this, I've taken a more bitter turn. Instead of being inspired by all of the available programs, the plethora of testimonials, I found myself scornfully muttering things like, "riiiight, those pictures are photoshopped!" and "good for you... (insert your favorite expletive here)" Anyone else? I mean I really want to encourage you to find your fit. That is the purpose of this post, but I want to keep it real with you and express my true emotion with this process. So, in that light, let me share a little of my story with you.  In sparing you the ugly details, here is a brief summa...

It has taken me many years, trials and tribulations to finally realize that the best version of ME begins with commitment to my SELF first.  No matter how committed you feel to your relationships, your work, your family or friends; unless you are totally into your SELF, you will struggle with filling in the gaps with unhealthy quick fixes. I call it the swiss cheese phase...full of holes.  So what do I have to offer that is any different from all the other self help sites, books and subscriptions?  I will keep it real.  Real stories, real struggles, the real me, uncut and uncensored to help you find the real you. I want you to fall in love with YOU.  I found my way there this year.  Are all of my holes filled?  No, that is the truth.  I found the way to fill them, but now I have to do it.  That is my goal.  Instead of feeling empty, I'm working on feeling full. I want to help you stop filling those holes with temporary...