YOU Hold the Key

It has taken me many years, trials and tribulations to finally realize that the best version of ME begins with commitment to my SELF first.  No matter how committed you feel to your relationships, your work, your family or friends; unless you are totally into your SELF, you will struggle with filling in the gaps with unhealthy quick fixes. I call it the swiss cheese phase...full of holes. 

So what do I have to offer that is any different from all the other self help sites, books and subscriptions?  I will keep it real.  Real stories, real struggles, the real me, uncut and uncensored to help you find the real you. I want you to fall in love with YOU.  I found my way there this year.  Are all of my holes filled?  No, that is the truth.  I found the way to fill them, but now I have to do it.  That is my goal.  Instead of feeling empty, I'm working on feeling full. I want to help you stop filling those holes with temporary fixes and feel good about YOU.  

Confession....as I'm writing this, I'm stuffing my face with waffle fries dipped in Guinness BBQ sauce at Thee Irish Pub in the Detroit airport on New Year's Eve.  This week has been a traveling nightmare for me with delayed flights, cancelled flights, overnight stay in a strange town, all of which makes me feel really displaced.  It evokes memories from my childhood when I first discovered that emotion.  So, right now, as I wait to find out my 'being home for the holidays' status, I'm stuffing a hole with waffle fries. I don't have it all figured out either, but I'm finding my way. I have realized and identified my weak areas...the holes. That is the first step.  I'm not a cold turkey, rip the band aid off, dive right in kinda girl. I'm the ease into it, dip my toes in slowly prolonging, the inevitable procrastinator.   I'm right in there with you.  

So, what am I doing after I identify the gap?  Well, here is a waffle fry visual reference for you.....

It's OK to not eat everything! I grew up in a large Catholic family where waste was not an option. Although I never realized the reason at the time, that our financial status was poverty level, it wasn't until I had to make my own food choices and feed my own family on a budget, that I truly appreciated why my parents were so passionate about finishing all your food, but the behaviors were cemented in place early on. It was up to ME to recognize why, make peace with it, then move on with the realization, that I didn't have to stay there.  Cement can be demolished.  It is not permanent.  Realizing that, for me, was like discovering a new planet! Let's go back to the illustration for a moment.  See the scrunched up straw paper and napkin ring on top of the waffle fries and the napkin just below it?  My strategy is to muck up the food so that I won't be tempted to eat more and cover it up so it is out of my sight. 

Some of you who may be ahead of me in this process may be saying, why don't you just do that to begin with to prevent eating any of it? Or perhaps not even order an unhealthy meal?  Well, to answer that, this is where I keep it real.  It wasn't that obvious to me at the time.  I am able to recognize now that my emotionally upset self charged right ahead of my rational self into the restaurant, grabbed a menu and spoke on our behalf before I could interrupt her.  She's a Taurus.  We are obstinate individuals.  But I recognize this now. I have strategies now. I'm becoming fuller so I don't have to stuff the hole with waffle fries. I can recognize when I am satisfied and I can push them away now.  THAT is progress! That is applaudable for ME at this stage.  I'm OK with that because I am a work in progress. My goal is to walk with my emotional self, hand in hand, learning to choose nutritional sustenance versus emotional filling.  

This is where I refer back to my previous statement where I mentioned that I don't do cold turkey, yank the band aid off or jump right into the ominous looking waters. I learn as I go.  I am still learning.  I believe that I will always be learning about ME and guess what....it's OK.  I need to love myself no matter what.  Part of loving ME is to give helpful suggestions, not self deprecating criticisms that plummet me into a dark place. I need to see myself openly, see the bad choices and learn from them. That is how I make progress. I'm not going to apologize for that anymore either because I am ME.  Cracked egg with swiss cheese holes as I am, but totally and explicitly ME.  No excuses, no apologies, just ME.  Your fillers may not be food.  That doesn't matter.  What matters is that you identify your own, realize them and commit to change. I'm going to share my lessons with you.  

Walk with me, if you will, on this journey to a better YOU.  A fuller YOU.  The New Year marks the start of new beginnings.  Go with that.  YOU....commit to that so that you can be YOUR best YOU!  YOU hold the key.